Lenore The Night-mare Life-in-Death
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Monday, March 31, 2008 @ 7:56 PM i think im ready for my wavy hair back. it seems like i have a lot of things to say when im not here. but when i go,there's a trillion things going on. oh wells. *** i think im going one two three four five six one two three four five six im going one two three four five six. let the demons out of me. it's playing with me. demon thoughts. get rid it from me. demon thoughts. *** S'évanouissant Devant les sourdes flammes, Le silence reprit son trône... Affirmant la tyrannie, Retrouvant l'ataraxie... Mais qu'apporterait le néant ? Face à cette entaille béante Qu'est la mort... Qu'est ce que la délivrance ? Probablement ce précipice Destin propice d'un sacrifice... Tant de questions, Tant d'hésitations... Pour si peu de réponses, En si peu de temps... Silence macabre... Silence de la mort... [Translation] [Gruesome silence...] [Music by Hylgaryss, Lyrics by Sombre Cÿr] Fainting Before the deaf flames, Silence took back its throne... Asserting tyranny, Finding back ataraxia... But what would bring nothingness ? Before this open wound Which death is... What is deliverance ? Probably is it this precipice, Propitious fate for a sacrifice... So many questions, So much hesitation... For so few answers, In so short a lap of time... Gruesome silence... Silence of death...
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 Saturday, March 29, 2008 @ 9:20 PM "They dance skyclad beneath the blood moon in their unholy rites, and beware to any who bespy them, for you will turn to stone where you stand." it all comes back to me.. how weird.that;i realised that it's in primary 3 that i started 'it' sighs. it seems like i've buried that memory so deep in one isolated corner but to have it burst it out of my chest after reading a book. maybe people might see it as something childish. i even thought so too.
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Friday, March 28, 2008 @ 7:07 PM  Dawn cracks the dark And it breaks the silence Of my waking hours And my heartbeat's silence For I hate the trees And I hate the flowers And I hate the buildings And the way they tower over me Can't you see I get so frightened No-one else seems frightened Only me, only me I can't but see That the sun has risen To my window, my world Of my home sweet prison For I hate the trees And I hate the flowers And I hate the buildings And the way they tower over me Can't you see I get so frightened No-one else seems frightened Only me, only me yeeeaaa....been sick since wednesday. & been sleeping for 12 hours on wednesday night & 11 hours on thurday night. feeling better now. life had passed so fast. & i dont know what im doing; but i feel like im standing in the middle of a road & watch the time flew by... staring on the ceiling on my bed as my bedroom light flicked on & off... i guees i owe shashah an apology...but i was sick on that day... i wish u had the greatest birthday.from what i see-u did have a great time.
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Tuesday, March 25, 2008 @ 5:42 PM  today i saw this book.& i want to buy it... by CateTiernan... if only i have a gazillion hours to read it all... 20% off at Popular for members. gonna -gonna --gonna pull uma into popular asap.
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Monday, March 24, 2008 @ 7:33 PM well,hey everyone! i got a joke--well no.a fact-- for you. guess who's the biggest fucker in this world? my dad. yes. the quarrel that he had with my mum ystd about instant noodles is brought again today. just a minute ago as im typing this. my mum cried??! duhhh... farker.fine.i'll buy my own fucking instant noodles. & YOU! yes YOU farker,eat those raw noodles all by yourself. don't bring in issues about YOUR siblings & MUM's siblings. because it's all the same. everyone SUCK. i wish i'm never born.
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Sunday, March 23, 2008 @ 10:50 AM  a farewell song. a new chapter. my mountain of skulls had crumbled down. Me & Mystery were sliding off among the rumbles. there's no song anymore.silence. and so we wept.
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Saturday, March 22, 2008 @ 11:05 AM hmm...i want to give this songs to 2 of my friends whom i've read their blogs... maybe i dont know what they are going through. but somehow it is the same thing with me. it's that 'essential' thing again i said before... I did my best to please you But my best was never good enough Somehow you're only able to see All I am not Did you ever look behind Aren't you afraid of the pieces you'll find I have failed you but you have failed me too [Chorus] It's so easy to destroy and condemn The ones you do not understand do you ever wonder if it's justified It's so easy to destroy and condemn The ones you do not understand in your life why didn't you ever try I close my eyes as I walk the thin line between love and hate For the person with the same blood in his veins You show no regrets about all the things you did or said I have failed you but believe me you failed me too
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Thursday, March 20, 2008 @ 8:42 PM Versuchen Sie nicht, mich zu machen, fühle schuldig Versuchen Sie nicht und erzählt mir, dass Sie mich lieben Sie reizen mich lieber Freund...
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Wednesday, March 19, 2008 @ 8:50 PM         alrightiee.... my leg feels like collapsing everytime i try to walk. it feels like i've been so easily hungry this few weeks. & not eating makes me feel so weak. tt's the polaroids i took ystd. :) i bought an Emily musical statue today. it's emily,hands under her chin,looking bored. Mystery beside her.. & they are on top of a pile of skulls. love the tune so much when i was going home,i went up the escalator from the mrt to the lrt as usual. i was at the top of the esclator & saw the lrt there. & the door was closing any moment. this lady infront of me started to half-jog,half-run. i dunno why.but mentally,i wasnt thinking. physically,i followed suit. mentally,i felt like dancing to Seelenschmerz & thinking about nothing; but food. the door closing.ops.it is.woman squeezed throught.woman got through.should i?shouldnt i?headphones blaring.tummy the same.do or die.make it or break it.i was in.no i wasnt.the doors closing on my legs.i could feel it.god im skinny.i did make it. well uhh...ppl turned to look.i guess... i was really hungry. for a moment adrenaline shot up. but my leg feels like jelly. i really want to collapse. hungry. hungry. Kannst du für mich ein Engel sein [You can be an angel for me] Kannst du für mich schuldig sein [You can be indebted to me] Stellst du dich ins weiße Licht [You stand into the white light] Meine Augen siehst du nicht [ You do not see my eyes] Glaubst du noch an meine Lügen [Yet, you believe in my lies] Willst du dich nur selbst betrügen [You want to deceive yourself, only yourself] Krallst dich viel zu fest an mich [Your clawed yourself too firmly onto me] Bitte, bitte glaub mir nichtv [Please, please do not believe me] Kannst du für mich ein Engel sein Kannst du für mich schuldig sein Stellst du dich ins weiße Licht Meine Augen siehst du nicht Glaubst du noch an meine Lügen Willst du dich nur selbst betrügen Krallst dich viel zu fest an mich Bitte, bitte glaub mir nicht Kannst du in meiner Seele lesen [You can read in my soul] In meinen Träumen bin ich jede Nacht allein [Each night in my dream,I am alone] Kannst du in meiner Seele lesen...... [You can read my soul...]
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Tuesday, March 18, 2008 @ 8:20 PM okay...the loading picture seemed to be not working today.. but i want to share with u guys where i'd went to today.. ok.we went to Asian Civilisation Museum, where we got awed mostly at the gold ornaments. but before tt we took so0 much pictures at esplanade.. err.we ended up taking the boat ride down Singapore River since Anis borrowed her mum's card, so we rode it for free.. with some other tourists. & it was so funny. i asked this tourist dude with his daughter to take our picture with my Polaroid.. & he kinda said in a strict voice "No" kinda taken aback.i mean,hello im not trying to sell u anything or cheating you.. so i repeated the request & he,with a little shame took my polaroid. i told him to press the blue button. so he went to put his finger there. but the polaroid lens were facing to his face instead to us.so i have to stiffle my laugh. & help him face my polaroid the other way round. he & his daugther was so amazed by the polaroid. i guess polaroid is really extinct now... anw,the uncle kept pestering us to take photos at he's peddling controller; the inside of the boat. so everytime i looked at the uncle apek,he waved he's hands telling me to come & take pictures. it happens everytime he caught my eye. so i have to stare out into the river banks... i got seasick.since we just ate macdonalds & the stink of pure petrol. urrrghhh.stomach folding over like stormy sea... i wanna ride GMax & DHL Hot Air Ballo0nnnn!!! LOVE my polaroid!!
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Monday, March 17, 2008 @ 9:08 PM 450 460 59 56 44 159 50 209 309 340 399 lol.u people wont understand what i meant by the above numerals. maybe it's non-sensical. yea.it might be. steamy hot yong tau fu with 3 kinds of vegetables inside. no wonder.maybe i DO have worms inside my stomach tt clinged on to my intestine as it fed on my nutrients. but the thought of having worms feeding on my insides perked me up. & i wonder.if i vomit,will it come out??? hmm...i dont think so. since i didnt see any worms out of the vomits i've puked before... yea.talking about this. actually it was fun talking to John. ok,im sorry if it bore others.but.hey cool. i like knowledgable ppl...i mean. their knowledge is not just confined into a certain topic. but rather widely. it makes me think.& i feel scared. im too tired to type about why i am scared. ...no.it's not about the worms.or the fact tt lizards would fly into your nostrils & get stuck in your lungs in close range... but.it's more.more of humanity. ...images flew through the mind like behind secret curtains of thoughts.
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Sunday, March 16, 2008 @ 8:09 PM farhana..if u read this,i don't know why... but i could not tag your tagboard.. just to let you know tt i miss you. i saw radhiah the other day... but when i called her,she sort of avoiding me. i guess it was my fault far...uma... she left us without telling. & she came back.expecting us to get back together like last time. the 6 of us.but u just cant get things tt u yourself,broken it. i guess our glass are broken. 3 piece had gone away forever. left the other 3...& i never want to lose the other 2. ever. forgive me if i've been selfish all this while. i've closed my eyes & ears shut for all this time. hiding in my shithole. maybe i'm just scared.of losing. ******************************************************** i just heard my neighbor singing "Santaaaa is cominggg TO-niteeee" lol. living here is weird.since u could hear almost anything. the other day i heard a dude singing/humming out something so 'opera-tic'. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE shashah got to NAFA!! & im gonna eat in Swensens soon since shahira promised she could give me 20% off XD i cant believe she's working there. anw...miss her. i've done very very little thing during this holiday.. i felt guilty for not working harder. but...arrrgh.cant help it. im forever slacking since after sec sch. i feel like my brain cells had dissaporate into nothingness. or the tv rays just kills it. so my head just burns as smoke comes out of my hair. enough.cya. p.s :i finally finished watching the anime Elfen Lied.it's fuckin' awesomeeee!! ***************************************************** Poor Hearts The door lies wide open You stand there half broken You turn away slowly Poor hearts are they Who seek to find shelter somewhere Confused and pathetic Hiding behind reason Slipping away slowly Poor hearts are they Who seek to find shelter somewhere Poor hearts I have always found Underneath the darker ground Slipping in and singing out The table's still turning Poor hearts are not yearning They close their eyes and they Reflect on things that they say They know to be true They never try hard to Tug, tug away but then They never are willing You're quite at home parading With a gun to your head Poor hearts I have always found Underneath the darker ground Slipping in and singing out The door lies wide open You stand there half broken You turn away slowly Poor hearts are they Who seek to find shelter somewhere Confused and pathetic Hiding behind reason Slipping away slowly Poor hearts are they Who seek to find shelter somewhere Poor hearts I have always found Underneath the darker ground Slipping in and singing out The door lies wide open You stand there half broken You turn away slowly Poor hearts are they Who seek to find shelter somewhere Confused and pathetic Hiding behind reason Slipping away slowly Poor hearts are they Who seek to find shelter somewhere Poor hearts I have always found Underneath the darker ground Turning in and singing out
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Wednesday, March 12, 2008 @ 7:04 PM       had fun today.my leg aches though. love my polaroid so much. sorry i got no scanner.. :( i was asked a quetsion.that i find very hard to answer. maybe it's true. famous artist just cant get along with anyone. well,maybe it's an excuse since i'm not famous nor i am good.maybe it's an excuse to me. im a selfish girl.i hate to admit it,but i really am. sometimes i just forgot about who i am. what i am.which is,really i am a human. sometimes i felt tt im not. tt i can live without something. something that is essential in life. essential to make your life meaningful. but i cant make it meaningful cz what it always did was to disappoint me. & nothing else. i really don't know what i'm going to become. or what i really feel.it's all jumble up. all i know is im moving on. since i saw her the other day,i thought, move on. im sorry that i hurt you.i can see it in your eyes it hurt me too.but i just cant feel the need of that 'essential' thing. it's like.like..fighting a beast in you. trying to claw it's way out of my throat. maybe it's because of u too. u've been acting kind of weird. u didn't realise that u have been hurting ppl with ur words. or that sometimes i feel that.. ur're so close to me that.that i'm afraid. afraid.of i dunno-what. i don't know if this long speech from me made any sense. it doesnt seem to make sense to me. it's all jumbled.scrambled.heterogenous.unrestrianed. whatever. BORDERS - Teachers & StudentsSPECIAL OFFER! ================================== 20%* off for teachers and students Wednesday 12 - Friday 14 March only No Coupon Necessary *Offer applies to all full priced books, movies and music, Paperchase and at Borders Bistro. Applies on presentation of a valid student/teacher identification. Cannot be combined with other coupon, discount or promotion. Excludes newspapers, magazines, electronic gift cards,Preferred Cards and special orders. so this is what i received in my mail. so u bookwormsss can get ur books. Jolene Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene Your beauty is beyond compare With flaming locks of auburn hair With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green Your smile is like a breath of spring Your voice is soft like summer rain And I cannot compete with you, Jolene He talks about you in his sleep And there is nothing I can do to keep From crying when he calls your name, Jolene And I can easily understand How you could easily take my man But you don't know what he means to me, Jolene Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene I'm begging of you please don't take my man Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene Please don't take him just because you can You could have your choice of men But I could never love again He's the only one for me, Jolene I had to have this talk with you My happiness depends on you Whatever you decide to do Jolene
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Tuesday, March 11, 2008 @ 8:24 PM   i shall not think of the saddest thing tt happened to me today. just want to forget it. it's not worth fretting over. but really.i feel so unlucky as fast after i felt damn lucky. so the lucky thing is i found a polaroid for 35 bucks. it's smaller in size than the normal ones i saw. & it's brand new.working,but yet to buy the catridge. will not think about being pissed at a lot of ppl. will think about the picnic at botanic tmr. aj bought a big banana for her feet XD & she's really happy will watch this to make me laugh back. next stuff i want: vintage bag wave & cut hair creepers book of shadows Being Cold While we were laughing We passed from one land to the next Just as I was thinking This land goes on forever Look out of your window You said as we moved on From highland to flatland On the journey from home Hours and hours later We stop to let some travellers on You mention the distance we've come And then drift off again Look out of your window You said as we moved on From highland to flatland On the journey from home
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Sunday, March 9, 2008 @ 11:18 PM im not fucking scared no i'm not those mats are losers so are those minahs no nuts no im not fucking scared of any rides just throw at me and turn me 360 degrees im ok
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Friday, March 7, 2008 @ 7:29 PM  <--lame shit ass face at Ben & Jerry <--lame shit ass face at National Museum <-- even most lame ass shit facefinally i manage to build up all four sides of my walls till it pierce through the sky. locking me in.in this small room. i felt tt no one is strong enough to break it. maybe even God.unless there's a miracle lying on the damped floor under my face i lay in an awkward position.emaciated.narcoleptic. but contented...somehow the years of building the sky-high wall taking a toll on me. everything outside the walls,all i had build for years is nothing but a lost city.more like a filthy waste land. which was never to be discovered. crawling back into my hole my hole my hole my hole.... & never see the sun.ever.so my eyes will turn white. forget i even exist.i'll be pleased if it's so. *tenacious D,Blades Of Glory & POTO dvds waiting for me*
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Wednesday, March 5, 2008 @ 10:18 AM i guess i'm a little harsh everytime i didnt meant to. now i totally lost the mood to even type in german. so long life.
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Tuesday, March 4, 2008 @ 1:11 PM Blutengel- Her Song Ich kann den Schmerz nicht überwinden Sehe nur die nächste Wand Tausend Träume die verschwinden Denn mein Herz hast du verbannt Und die Tränen meiner Seele Spiegeln Wasser nur für Dich Alles was ich noch empfinde Ist der Schmerz der mich zerrinnt Draußen in der Kälte Ruft ihr Herz noch immer Deinen Namen Hast Du nicht gesehen ihre Augen brachen Reiche die Hand zum letzten Gang Wieder suche ich im Dunkeln Will meine Einsamkeit zerstören Schließ nun für immer meine Augen Willst Du im Tod zu mir gehören thx miri for the postcard!:) tmr: must bring THUMBDRIVE.die die must remember cant wait to throw my LIT & the stupid model & perspective drawing at john's face & walk off. drop by post office. feeling so withdrawn. #%$$^*%*%^#%$%$# leave me alone. sorry. feeling so scared death leave me alone sorry. feeling so esctatic cz i feel high im not alone leave me alone sorry just leave me alone.u can laugh at me. but it's testing my patience. pack of shitos i hate my Vettern
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Monday, March 3, 2008 @ 7:45 PM     taken last week.
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Saturday, March 1, 2008 @ 10:36 PM  :D need to shade perspective now. all down except contact lens,shoes & polaroid. i bought The Vampire Lestat ystd at Borders since my 20% discount expires on monday. i rushed to the first Literature section[oh yeah,oblivion.if u read this,it's at the literature section.im talking about the Wheelock Place Borders] i saw a complete book of human anatomy. it was real big & thick.i really want it. but it's $300++ haha.i know. anw,as i rushed to the literature section,they don't have the full collection of edgar allen poe works book tt i badly wanted. out of stock?!who the hell bought the last piece? so ended up with Vampire Lestat on the next shelf. i want to work at Borders. love ystd & today,because it's freaking raining!!! & it's so cold.though nothing compared to where Miri stays. awwww...i want to go German! & yea,the pictures on top is at the National Museum. we tried out the Greek costumes. so i chosed a flaring red one to take pictures with. i want to oh!live in Venice.& hopefully Armand will make me. haha!wooohoo. i cant wait for end of august to come. cz hopefuly,with the blessings,i'll have a niece or a nephew. :) my brother said that the scan shows the baby sitting down. & it's hands & legs are moving--or so he said,flaiying. ???haha.like swimming. & the baby wont lie down cz they need to check the neck for something. i don't remember. so ended up,they cant check it. the baby have slits for the eyes[sounds gruesome] & at one point,the baby faced so closely to the scanner ok.im blabbling like an old soon-to-be-makcik.[haha.yuck]
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im Lenore. in NAF(S)A enjoy your stay in my 0 gravity blog. CURRENT MOON
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