this feeling of something stuck in my throat is back
& this is the second time that it run down my face
sometimes i wish i would grow into a full adult
so that no one can stop me from doing the things i wanted
no one can limit my expectations.
i would have lots of money & migrate.just leave everything behind except for one.
that i would bring with me.because that is my joy & happiness that lies within.
and we'll be free to go into any theatres in the new city
watch the soap opera till we cry for all the sad & touching stories
watch the city lights with ice creams in our hands licking it from melting away..
laughing at our own secret jokes...
than the clock strikes midnight & in the rush of other black shadows
we enter another realm of smoky lights & thunderous music
just dance the night away...dancing.yes.till we fall.
fall asleep in the sidewalk in each other's arms.
than the breeze would catch us into the sweetest dreams that in the midst,
everyone will envy us.time will never be jealous.
rather,time will stand still,breathless.

this is my daydream.& it would be a daydream that i will daydream about every breath i take.
the reality hurts but i belong to no one else but you.
but one day,this castles that i built in the air would come true.

Der andere Dämon ist fast von tief hinein herausgekommen.Es verlangt das Blatt. So lang hat es hat geschmeckt Sie Blut, hat es gesagt.
guess you will never will demon.

than again,i hate today because i run up & down from the library to the printing store for my dumb desktop publishing project.finally print it yay...i feel hopeless for lesson in thinking project.& also dumb hist for kay.kay saying that me, shana & nadiah are 'vagabonds'[what's that suppose to mean].when nad & shana are smoking & i sulkily drank up my mocha coffee.[shana,dont ask me tt question if i want one of those.lol!]somehow if kay read this i swear she's going to scream 'idiot' into my face for i dont know the meaning.but really.whatever.just happy for one thing when i was with yash...other than that the day totally suck.wednesday can kiss my ass.damn it.


welcome to the Doom Ride on my roller coaster.
enter the realm of the unknown,& congratulations.
you have just started the journey... ...:D
...well...it need sacrifices.
& this is the beginning at the peak of the mountain...
& i am going down down down into the abyss.
screaming for it to stop.screaming for the hellish screams as we clung on desperately to one another.
the next moment we'll shot all the way up to the ninth cloud.
the air so fresh at the height the wind blow riding me up on their back
now i feel like i am in space.floating.
just hope the sun wont burn me.
maybe it did scorched us a little.
but i am still breathing.








i just finished watching half of The Crow & Leon The Professional again..
damn.another day gone.
tomorrow is hist presentation.
gahh..


today is one...idiotic day which i hope i could erase it away
first thing in the morning is the idiot woman who tried to judge me.
u can eat my dirt.
the other fine arts lecturer viewed our work with an air of snobbish sarcasasm.
u can eat Dat's 1 dirt.
"why is there all girls?where's guys?no guys?"
u can eat our dirt again.
i hope they lungs are full with it.
i hate kay for asking us to pin up our work outside.

but i was (ehem!) super touched by my classmates today
i was the last to present & kay was cutting in my word.
after her blabber,
rachel, diana, hui chi asked me about my concept cz i didnt got the chance to talk about it.
and than,nadiah,hui chi,jia yan helped me touched up on my jellyfish.
okay,maybe they helped me touch up cz it's colorful & stuff...
but it's this weird feeling getting 3 other ppl cworking on my fugly work.

went to print hist project & the 2 woman was in a hurry to close their shop,
that they forgot to return me my thumbdrive.
gahhh...im going nuts without my thumbdrive.
the thing that made me think happy thoughts & laugh so hard now is this picture...

didi said tt shana look like some chee ko pek.
whichhhh...is true.
i dont ever want to get near her if she ever come to school one day with that elongated face
& that smile & that eyes...
pure terror.

i dont know what happened to my blog.
i just cant find back the blogkin with the little girl & boy...
i changed it but find it boring;
resulting to this.
i've nvr taken a blogskin which have a white background before though..
it's weird.i'll try & change it soon.

i reached home just now to find my house locked.
good thing i have my house key.
when i opened the door,it was pitch blackness.
& the thought of john saying how he went to a chalet.
when he opened the door to the chalet,
"shadows" flew past all over the wall. i was half-"hoping" i would see the shadow but no.
no such things.i just mumbled some greeting & went in locking the door.
when i was showering,i swore i heard my mum & my brother's voice.
i kept wondering,it could not be some dumb phantasm or my mind playing tricks.
they said the thing u think most will be the one that make ur sense playing tricks.
so i wasn't thinking about my mum or brother..
was thinking about something else.
oh well...i mean i heard my mum's & brother's voice outside.
but after that it was silence.
...
or could it be my neighbor???
..but the voice seems like from my living room.not from on top or below...
hmm..as long as im not creeped out.
cz im so happy to be freaked out anyway XD

yayy!kenneth not coming tmr[though i will miss his stubbles XD]
lit will be a DRAG![who wants to go 7eleven with me???]
& we will share cheese garlic bread,2 Gulps for 2 bucks,tom yam noodle for $2.20,taquitos that taste like pizza.smoo ice cream sitting on the seats facing the street & people walking outside will be so jealous at the whole bunch of us hanging around inside...

i got a doubly sweet tooth today since i ate strawberry apple strudel & ben n' jerry icecream

sidelines:sprained my ankle as i missed the step when i was with diana
it's okay now...
& o0h!i got no tagboard now anw,so if u have any comments,approach me/msn me/or just dont do anything at all[that would do] :D

***



Please follow straight the way that will lead you
To read me deep inside cause i love you.
And now please come with me let confusion fade away.
I can't stand waiting. i can't stand waiting.

Wherever my love is written
For you only you is right to know
And read down inside the deepest
Corners of my open soul.
I used to call you my treasure
But now you're my new religion
Because i feel just the same for you





it seems weird how it -shall not use the word[cz it just put me to shame] ;could kill a person.it could kill me.well it did.it's so infantile of me as i know that i need more time.more time to understand myself [which i myself have the trouble] im torturously trying to pen down my thoughts now since my mouth just wont coordinate with my brain resulting to unhumorous jokes i told those i sit around in basic drawing class.& also i had trouble justifying my artworks...i wish im not rushing into things.

i know that it take countless ups & downs.even looking at the fountain,the way the water splits in different drops in the air.and it finally hits the ground with a splatter.like splattering my face all over the floor.it makes me happy though i know i've fallen.but each time it just got harder to pick up the pace.i'll treasure the moments of silent happiness.yes.it would be the light that brightens my day." i feel upset at myself for never having the perfect words, oh how they never do any justice to you, perfect little being."quoted from nad's journal.yes.it always fails to save my day.i wish i was born mute.like yes.really mute.cz ppl wont expect you to say anything than.

goddammit i want to spit in their faces.yes i want to.i will.& my spit will burn them like acid.

why do i even write in a blog when no one understands it but me?
something to make people think.








why am i always not smiling inside?


so do i slishh slash sloshhh?
yea i did
when your on top of a mountain,u'll take the risk & jump down the slope.
i want a drag.haha.no i want to drag those two huskies[is it the correct breed i say?]
my face is bursting red.gahh.i wish i can donate my blood now.
[let it poison everyone else]
like a raven.or i wish im like the Hannibal Rising dude tt nadiah said got his head pried open
& his brain exposed cz i wish sometimes that u know what im thinking
though the chances are slim.unless ur're tt officer dude in heroes
oh pathetic heroes playing tonight.SHANA!lemme ur heroes DVD & i'll give u a nicely sewn tights.
pop open a Coke Zero cz i love that drink.
--why do people drink something with zero calories.zero carbohyrdates,zero nothing zero 0 kosong mei yo--
might as well dont even drink it a all.

well hello0 dark night for you nocturnal creatures...
that's my emily punk poster that i got from uma's gift to me.
Emily Rock Issue comic ><

well,as u can see there's a picture of Christ at the back.
& my mom saw it & was nagging.
so i pasted my polaroid picture with some extra scotch tape i tore
cz i cant find any tape left;
& slapped the picture on the cross.

and again.if God were to make a joke,
than i thought it would be me.
God make me an idiot bcz i felt that it was a blinked of an eye
when i realised it was sunday.
groans!i havent even done one stupid thing.
i havent even sew that hole in shana's tights!!wdh!
[except for more dumb ugly drawings of Eddy & one page of my pathetic sketchbook]
i realised that i left my pencils on the aisle in tan's class last week,
so i got no pencil to touch up on my perspective drawing.
and than...thinking of which;
how could someone eat so much that they want to puke??
well,it's me.
3 slice of pizza,1 glass of pepsi,one breadstick,one bowl of soup with drops of tobasco.
one cup of peanut butter choc ice screamm..
& i got a phobia of food.
starts to have cold sweat everytime i thought/SEE food around me.
lmao XD
hugging my stomach.
but i was alrdy hungry back once i got home
& gobbled up macaroni in the shape of snails...
chilli snails...to be exact.
no wonder there's thunder & lightning & heavy rain...
God must have been roaring with laughter at this litle being..
hahahahahahaha
[there--i told u so]

shaking up the sky.
breaking the clouds.
shying away the glaring sun...
i wish it rain tonight.

psst:i want to delete my tagboard soon.

Be his mind so gloomy,dark and dim,
Crammed with gross humours,as to amuse him-
Whate'er he is he is;yet none the less
Through the vague potents that his words express
Like some star shining bright,he has foretold
For he's the one that i will hold.
Imparts both good and evil,guide my pen.
I don't doubt him,no not heaven,that to men.
for this words is so hard as it is to express.
and it is so hard to protect this love nonetheless.

***
i bought this book from the book fair they had in school.

actually part of the poem on top was taken from this book
but twisted by me....
oh well..im so tired as usual...
yayy...weekends is here.
so many things happened like what happened to me when i was caught in the rain this morning...
my hair drip drip drip...in the sweet cold CROWDED lrt.
the fact that the aunt gave me a perfectly torn 2 dollar note & refused to change it
but i INSISTED cz it was jeanne's money.
[& ur're not s'pose to give ppl torn dollar notes for gods sake -.-]
the fact that hui chi fall in the middle of the road
the fact that i burped after drinking the damn 100 plus[i rarely burp]
the fact that the damn wooden board stained my [OUTGROWN-that's what uma commented] jeans.
leaving 2 nice grey stains that make a wild fashion statement if worn on streets
--YO!artfartyofaniacs.
the fact that i borrowed shana's leggings which already have a hole 'under' *raise one eyebrow [and she told me to sew it for her...]
-fineeee shana fine!haha!
the fact that i bought new jeans & wore it straight after i tried it.
the fact that im a PAUPER.
the fact that people hit my large art bag.
the fact that i forgot to collect my IC due 1 month ago...
the fact that im exhausted.
the fact that i miss...
& i warned that im a difficult person & others' had perish in my heart.
i wonder if u would love me like the sun.
rrrrrrrraaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwRRRRRRRRRR!!!

firstly,i hate my mouth.
that's the reason why i'm quiet today
secondly,the librarian hate me.
tongue slits like serpents.
under eyes like frakenstein.



charon,the ferrymen of the dead.
ferrying Eddy Mortis along the winding river.
towards the sea.
"will i be safe?" eddy asked.
Charon,his eyes glinting dark,
"It's alright Eddy.You'll see eternal happiness"
Eddy found it weird that he could hear words fro a cat.
but he could listen to it's voice.loud & clear.
and Charon didn't even moved it's whiskers.
it was comforting,actually.
so Eddy,the poor dead little boy.
an orphan when was born.
so dead when so young.
sat on the raft under the moonlight beam...


i love our characters.
& i love the fly/butterfly/bug.

i shall update now before i lose this momentum.
i was almost stuck at changi since i got not enough money to go home
but sweet driver let me off with only 1buck coin.
nyahahaha~

stopped at far's bus stop so i've to walk home.
halfway through the expressway bridge,
i looked down to the cars & felt an urge to jump off
[which i feel everytime im there]
but not to fall like some smash fruit.
but to fall & feel the adrenaline.
getting nearer to the road
getting nearer to the zooming vehicles
but to leap up back soaring into the sky.

i walked on the zebra crossing almost to be hit by this yellow van
[damn you it's a stripe im walking slow down ur speed faggot]
my left ear's deaf i realised i walked like a zombie
my hands limped beside me.looking down.on the ants on the pavement floor.
rawr.im krusty klown from the simpsons.
im gonna stomp on you.
yes im going to stomp on you flat like morning pancake
to be washed away by rain like the syrup.
gushed down into the drain like going into a mouth
a black hole swallowing whole.
but to land my butt flat on a bed of flowers.
flowers for me.flowers for my diamond i desire this winter.

i don't know something had gone into me.
i see nothing but the opposite.
i see high & low but never in the middle.

i forbid anyone to talk or let me see any faces for the next 6 hours from now.

lol.can only update a little here...
sighs...
see?i forgot what i want to say alrdy...

except tt i missed far a lot.meeting her & uma on sunday morning
to eat breakfast at changi & go cycling...
lol ><
anw,tmr is my bro's birthday & also their wedding anniversary
-think i said this,but here im repeating-

did perspective drawing shading just a moment ago.
sick of it.shall finish it by tmr.
suanday i HAVE to....finish basic drawing IF possible.
aliens UFOs jellyfish
please let it be possible
so i could have a peaceful mind all through the week...
& hist of western art project!wee~
aliens UFOs boy
a month to hand in.
nie 2 more weeks.
lit 3 more damn weeks.

haha.im ended up doing on the 'Ying & Yang' when i 'started' of with reading
the Book Of Shadows & inspired to do the balance of
earth,water,fire & air.
but anyway...damn you LIT lesson.
i hateee y0u.

lesson today was not boring aft all
except tt the usual happened;
kay still scratching & itching all over...
talking & yakking.
tan's lesson gone through amazingly smoothly
i thought he was abducted by aliens & we're talking to Alien Tan.

uhh...random.dry.post.
idk.sorry.but i dont have other topics.
or i DO have other topics but i shall not mention it
XD
err...muahahahahahahaha
*seems like imeem dont have all the songs i like & uploading my own takes a longg darn time ):*

lets freaking dance!

-out of random-

*hey it's the 2nd of april*
im confused..
& life isnt just so great yea didi?XD
to find me is to look within.
& to ask myself that question over & over again
lives my brain exhausted
when the answer is just within.
it never lies when it talks his name.
the lips wont lie as it utters his name.
here it utters his name.
utters the name
utters...
the name...
names...